Most women would probably agree, we need to feel loved.
Steven can tell me he loves me 30+ times a day, work full time to provide and sign every text with an emoticon heart, and sill I want to feel loved, not just know it. (Note to reader(s): Steven actually refuses to use any emoticons. Perhaps that is the real issue.)
Reassurance can come in many forms. Small gifts – flowers, notes, sweet things in any form, etc. – random acts of kindness that prove he thinks of me, and lastly but surely most importantly, quality time.
If you believe quality time is synonymous with restaurants, movies, concerts, shopping for new shiny things to wear or going out to Jay’s for jazz and tiny pieces of food with not so tiny prices, then unless you were one of the less than 20 precent who were able to land their career fresh off campus, you may soon find the numbers in your account statement starting to shrink. And perhaps changing colors. This is when you have to modify your definition of quality.
Trust me, I’ve been doing this marriage thing for months now.
What follows are some things Steven and I have discovered help keep us in love and out of debtor’s jail.
1. “Owner’s Pick” at Lyric Cinema Cafe – A movie chosen by the owner that he is so passionate about people seeing, he doesn’t even charge for it. Every Wednesday at 9:30 pm. Factor in $4 for popcorn.
2. Walks. These are cheap and healthy and can have fun desitinations like 7-Eleven for pumpkin spice lattes. Here I use the term “latte” loosely.
3. Making/Eating dinner together. Create and experiment with new recipes. Start at the winter famers market and explore options. Get a $4.99 sale bottle of wine from Aggie and it won’t matter as much if it turns out.
4. The Village Vidiot. The rent-a-date. When Steven and I first became a unit, he made me promise we wouldn’t be one of those “movie couples.” You know, the kind that don’t have much to say to eachother so they let Spielberg or Tarantino do the talking. But! Movies can be quality time. Choose one you both are curious about that is perhaps even educational, discuss afterwards and be sure there’s not room between you for a third party. Not even the dog. Especially not the dog.
5. A new project. Do something productive together. Even if it’s not the same thing. I make cards while he attempts to build guitars (emphasis as of now on attempt). As long as you can talk and create simultaneously, you can increase productivity and moral. A good marital move.
“Who knows how to make love stay?
1. Tell love you are going to Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a moustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.”